3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
