Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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