But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
