i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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