census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
