i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
