Your tits are I can't wait for
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
