So drunk its hurt
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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