pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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