I swear she didn't look like that last week.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
