why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
