peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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