Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
