So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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