Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
