there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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