Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
