If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
