either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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