No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dicks are not precious.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
