Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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