this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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