My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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