it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
