my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
