Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
