Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
