Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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