What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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