Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
