He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
