Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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