either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
