i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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