You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
