Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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