I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
