Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
