Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize