Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
