I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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