she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
