Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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