okay pat passed out under dana's car
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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