It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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