She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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