considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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