My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
