i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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