I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
