I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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