Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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