So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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