everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
