I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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