you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
