Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
