you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
