Got a toothbrush?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the liver wants what the liver wants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
