If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just invented taco cereal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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