I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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