Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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