I must be too annoying 4 u.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
