im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Randomize
