just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
