Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
