my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
worst night to have a conscience
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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