i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
